Top Shell: Mario Kart Wii

This, is a Mario Kart program. There will be no rubber banding, there will be no banana peels, no-one will lag, and at the end of the blog, no-one… will really care. Blogspot WordPress is our base, and this is our purpose-built Luigi Circuit test track. There are no traffic jams here, and no blue-shells either. We intend to drive each vehicle, and flog them mercilessly to see just what laptimes can be wrung from these two and four-wheeled rockets. This… is Top Shell!

In today’s Top Shell: Meet the track, meet the driver, and find out what shampoo Peach uses to keep her hair managable.

Welcome to Luigi Circuit:

The opening track of the Flower Cup, this race course is relatively simple and free of any outside interference that could affect laptimes, making it our first choice for the Top Shell test track. After some negotiations with Luigi, he was more than willing to close off the track for our needs, and allow us to use his pipe-green Kooparii Testarossa as a grocery getter. What a guy!

Today’s reviewed karts are the Standard M and the Wild Wing. The Standard, well what can you say really? It’s average. Nominal. Adequate. Sure it has power steering, but there’s no power windows. Or doors. Or even a roof. Hailing from Miisan Motors, the Standard M sets the standard — pun possibly intended — for the beginners kart. Easy to toss about, easy to recover, with enough power to the wheels for an enjoyable cruise.

The Wild Wing kart is a product of Mushroyota, with styling cues taken from their professional GT automobiles. It’s a pity the engineers decided to adjust the gearing for high top end speeds at the severe expense of solid acceleration, and replaced the sublime suspension system from their roadracing vehicles with something I can only describe as “two tin cans and some chicken wire.” Making this thing turn a corner is about as easy as making Mario stop appending an extra letter “a” in his speech pattern. However the Wild Wing does have a saving grace. Provided you can toss it into a corner, the kart will stick and give you a stable tail-out oversteering platform for all those showy drifts we know all the kids love these days.

And now, to meet our main driver. Some say his nightmares consist of a blue shell with four wheels, and Rainbow Road was his idea of a “relaxing Sunday drive”… All we know is, he’s called The Stig.

With that said, here are The Stig’s current kart laptimes for Luigi Circuit:
1st: 1’21.279″ – Wild Wing
2nd: 1’23.562″ – Standard M

Fastest Kart Lap: 0’26.941″ — Wild Wing

So there you have it. The Wild Wing kart sets a laptime just tenths of a second over a minute 21, and we have a feeling The Stig might be able to squeeze a faster lap on a future return to the Wild Wing. Coming up on future episodes of Top Shell:

  • The Standard S & L — Because if we did the Standard S&M our broadcast license would probably be revoked.
  • The Classic Dragster — A dragster, really? You know Top Shell does make turns right?
  • The Super Blooper — The name writes its own review.

And more!

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